All Love Starts With Self Love
We were all destined to love and be loved. But before we look outside of ourselves to create a mutually nurturing relationship, we need to first be capable of loving and nurturing ourselves. If not, we may find ourselves relying on someone to provide this for us, which could make for a co-dependant relationship. As Valentines Day draws near it’s a great time to commit to self-love first. Every single relationship you have will change, blossom and grow after this.
5 ways to start on the journey of self love:
- Be present in your body. Start with this simple breathing exercise every day for 14 days: Breathe in deeply though your nose, hold your breath for 5 seconds. Breath out. Repeat 3 to 4 times. Follow this with slow, deep breathing. As you follow your breath simply allow your feelings to emerge without judging them. Just witnessing them, and staying present. Focusing on the breath, compassionately embrace your feelings and then, when ready, let them go. This will help you to honour your feelings, even the painful ones. If we really feel our feelings, then we have the potential to really let go of them.
- Simply be aware when you are running away from your feelings with various forms of self-abandonment, such as self-criticism, addictions to numb the feelings, or making someone else responsible for your feelings. Set the intent to be conscious about what you are doing or thinking that may be causing your pain, or what may be happening with another person or situation. Just by being conscious (without self-judgement), it will help you to start taking loving action on your own behalf, instead of seeking it from another person or thing.
- Connect to outside guidance: As you continue with this journey, negative emotions will be released. But before it gets better, it could get worse. Just as when you remove a scab, the wound beneath looks fresh, you may find that by peeling away the layers of protective scar tissue, there are things below you have not dealt with that come to the surface. This is normal, and healthy. However before you commit to this journey it’s a good idea to know who you will turn to in this instance., so you’re not stuck at this stage. You could nominate a friend, or plan to see someone else who understands the situation such as a mentor or therapist. This will help you deal with these fresh feelings, with empathy and commitment to yourself.
- Connect to your inner guidance: Every day your inner guidance is trying to communicate with you. When you are committed to learning about loving yourself, expect the answers to come from within and reveal themselves to you. They may come right away, or over time. They may come in words you read, or images you see, or in dreams or signs. Pay attention and look out for them…. and trust when they come.
- Act with love: Now its time to start taking loving action towards yourself. Over time, this heals the painful emotions caused by self-abandonment and harm. A good way to look at how to do this is to ask yourself, “What can I do to love myself?”. Rather than trying to immediately FEEL love for yourself, try to do things that show loving action towards yourself. The feeling will come naturally after you start this step. Do what brings you peace, do what brings you joy. Do what brings you health, wellness and self worth.
- Evaluate your action. Remember not to rush any of these steps. Take the time you need and revisit the steps as you need to. Over time you will discover that loving yourself improves everything else in your life. Loving yourself is the key to lasting, caring relationships. As Deepak Chopra says: the more you live your own ideal of love, the more your light will draw another light to you. This single point, I am told, has helped the most people find their love. Loving yourself allows you to get in touch with your desires, to understand what you really want and to manifest your dream life. Remember the words of Yogi Bhajan: “Feel good, be good, and do good.